


i need you so much closer

by fullmetallizard



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Childbirth, F/M, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, almei
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-16 14:45:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9276581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetallizard/pseuds/fullmetallizard
Summary: Al and May's journey into parenthood isn't quite as easy as they had planned.





	1. this is me reaching out to you

**Author's Note:**

> I unfortunately don't own FMA.

Al was feeding the cats when he noticed May entering the room. “Hey,” he said, straightening up. He walked over to her and kissed her temple. “Are you all right?”

“I just got a call from the healer,” she said in a quiet voice.

“I didn’t even know you went in. What’d he say?”

“I’m pregnant, Alphonse.”

The words sat heavy in the air for a few moments until Al could feel the grin stretching across his face. “You’re really pregnant?”

She nodded, smiling back at him, her eyes sparkling with relief. “Finally.”

It had been a long time coming. They’d gotten married young, May had been eighteen and he twenty one. They were careful to avoid pregnancy for two years, focusing instead on traveling and enjoying it being only the two of them. They’d planned on waiting even longer but he could practically feel the happiness seeping from Brother and Winry’s letters about their babies. May could see how badly Al wanted to experience that so they agreed to start trying.

They hadn’t counted on trying for nearly two years with no results.

“This is such great news!” He cheered, startling their two cats.

“Silly man,” May laughed, shifting to her tiptoes to kiss him. “I love you.”

They couldn’t stop smiling at each other. They held hands while they ate dinner and made love until they fell asleep, exhausted and grinning.

For the next two months, May had stopped physical training and focused on bookwork. Al followed suit so she wouldn’t feel left out. He knew how much she loved sparring. They’d learned of an alkahestress very far east who could heal even the oldest of scars. They spent awhile focusing on that, trying to use it on some of the now mostly faint scars May had gotten in Amestris.

One night as they lay in bed, Al turned over and looked at her. “May,” he said, softly.

“Hm?”

“What do you think about moving to Resembool?”

She propped herself up on an elbow and studied his face. “What?” She finally asked.

“We could live near my brother and his kids. I’ve always wanted to move back someday. And our child would never really be safe in Xing. Everyone knows you’re Ling’s favorite sister and they won’t hesitate to kill his niece or nephew.”

May sighed. “I’m not saying no. I’m saying I want to think about it and that midnight might not be the best time to do that.”

He nodded and planted a kiss on her forehead, nestling back down into the covers.

He had a nightmare that night. Not anything too bad but enough to wake him. He looked over at the clock and saw that it was four thirty in the morning. He shifted in bed, trying to get more comfortable when he noticed the sheets around him were wet.

But they were also sticky so he pressed his fingers onto the sheets to investigate. He pulled them back bright red. He flipped the covers back and saw that he and May were lying in a pool of blood. And that May was the source of it. His heart dropped. It was a lot of blood.

He reached forward and shook May’s shoulder. “Honey,” he said. She woke and turned onto her other side to look at him.

“What is it, Alphonse?” She asked sleepily.

“Look,” he said, pulling the covers off her as well. She looked down and took everything in.

“Oh,” was all she said after a long period of silence.

“We should…call the healer. And change the sheets.”

May’s face was still confused. “Okay,” she murmured. She sat up and then gasped, her hand flying to her lower belly. “Oh, that hurts.” Al got up, noting that his pajamas were soaked in blood, and went to May’s side of the bed, supporting her with his arm.

“What hurts?”

“My…my uterus hurts. Oh no, Alphonse. This is…” She trailed off, either unwilling or unable to finish the sentence. She pressed her hand hard against her body and shifted, releasing a gush of blood between her legs.

“May,” Al said, sadly. There was too much blood for them to think it could be anything else.

Tears started rolling down May’s cheeks. “We don’t need to call the healer and wake him up so he can come over and tell us something we already know. It can wait.” Her voice sounded thin and reedy.

“What can I do?” Al asked, voice thick with tears.

“Let’s just throw these sheets out.”

They did. Al could see she was a little wobbly on her feet but the blood was just a light trickle down her leg now, and she said the pain subsiding. She was adjusting the last corner of the fitted sheet when Al came in with a small stack of towels. “Go ahead and lay down,” he said after she’d changed into a fresh nightgown.

She did, sobbing softly now. Al came over with a towel and started wiping the blood on her thighs. She was still bleeding so he gently bunched the towel between her legs and watched her shift around. “Is that comfortable enough?”

“It’ll do,” she sniffled. Al changed and got in the bed beside her, trying to hide the fact that he was crying. “I’m sorry,” she said, looking up at the ceiling.

“What are you sorry for?” Al asked gently, pushing some of her ink black hair away from her face.

“We tried for so long to make this baby and now…”

He grabbed her face gently and placed several small kisses on her mouth. “We can try again. This isn’t the end. It just…hurts right now.”

“You still want to try again?” She asked, quietly.

“If you do.” He kissed her once more and told her to get some sleep.

They both tossed and turned, Al having to change the towel after a couple of hours, for the rest of the night. Al finally got up and called the healer over. He did an exam and told them it was indeed a miscarriage but they didn’t need to worry because May’s body had gotten rid of everything so she wouldn’t get sick. But he said she might bleed a while longer.

The healer told them to wait at least two months to try again. Once he left, Al took May in his arms and let her cry into his neck while he hummed her favorite Amestrian songs to her.


	2. and I need you to reassure me I'm alive.

The next morning her towel was soaked.

May woke to her husband shaking her gently shaking her gently.

“Hm?” She hummed out sleepily.

“You’re…still bleeding. Would you like another towel?

May sat up and rubbed her eyes, shaking her head to wake up. She teared up before answered.

“I don’t want to ruin another set of sheets. I’ll…sit in the bathtub or something.”

He followed her. She took off her underwear, wadded them up, and put them in the trash. She pulled her nightgown up and sat in the empty tub, the blood flowing heavily now down the drain, leaving red streaks against the white porcelain.

May thought of the time where her husband’s whole existence was a child’s panicked scrawl in blood, of the contrast between the dark red against the silver of his armor.

Al sat on the ground and May laid her cheek on the cool lip of the tub. “Are you in pain?” He asked, breaking the silence.

She nodded.

“I could do some alkahestry for you. To relieve some of it.”

She shook her head. “It’s not that painful. It’s…it’s my heart that hurts so badly. We can’t do anything for that.” She was staring straight ahead; her gazed fixed but not focused on anything. She heard a choking sound and looked over to find her husband weeping.

“Oh, Alphonse,” she said, reaching a hand out and cupping his cheek. Her heart broke a little bit more, if that were even possible.

His sobs grew even more violent. “I think it’s me,” he managed to say. “I think it’s because my body stayed at the gate all those years. Now I can’t make children correctly. I think it’s my body, May.”

“You don’t know that, Alphonse. It could be…genetics.”

“My brother has four kids, May,” he sobbed out. “It’s me.”

“Shh, shh,” she said, running her fingers through his short golden hair. “It’s okay.”

They sat together in silence. Al was still crying and May was a little dazed. By the time the bleeding stopped, she was barely able to respond at all. “Do you want to get cleaned up before the healer comes?” He asked. She nodded but sat still.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

She nodded again.

“Do you…do you need me to help you?”

She kept her gaze fixed in front of her but nodded slowly. He stood and pulled her gently out of the tub. He turned the shower on so the water could heat up and took off May’s nighthown and bra. She was shaky on her feet and Al noticed so he sat her on the closed lid of the toilet while he worked her hair out of the braids she kept it in.

“It’ll be okay,” he said. She watched as he grabbed a couple washcloths and then helped her into the shower where she promptly sat down. He undressed himself down to his underwear and stepped in with her.

He grabbed her shampoo and started working it into her hair. “I love you,” he told her. “This has happened to so many people. They survive. So can we.” He shielded her eyes when he tilted her head back to rinse the bubbles out.

As he bathed her, he continued to speak to her in a gentle voice. She wished she could reply to him but she just didn’t have it in her. He wiped a cloth gently on her inner thighs and she watched the water run pink. He kissed her head once and then continued until all the blood was washed from her body.

He’d just turned the water off when the first tiny sob escaped her lips. “I’m sorry, Alphonse. I know you’re hurting too. I shouldn’t be selfish.”

He wrapped her in a towel and gathered her into his arms. “You be as selfish as you need.”

After she’d cried, she felt a bit more aware of herself and her surroundings. She listened to Al call the healer as she dressed. Al reported what the healer said. That'd hee told him that it was normal to bleed for a while and then told him them the same thing from the evening before; they’d have to wait a couple months before trying again.

She remained silent when Al told him the healer had apologized for their loss before he hung up. She couldn’t help but notice Al’s stricken expression when the healer mentioned another attempt.

“Are you hungry? I could make you something to eat,” he said. She noticed his eyes were still red and his whole face was pink from the force of his sobs. But his tone was calm and he was watching her carefully.

“I'm not hungry,” she said quietly, crawling back beneath the covers.

“We can eat later,” he said, lying beside her.

“Alphonse?” She asked, staring into the dim light coming through the curtains 

“Yeah?” His voice sounded teary again.

“Do you…do you want to try again when we can?”

“Can I be honest?”

“Of course. Always be honest with me.”

“I’m torn. I want a baby. But this…this is more pain than I’ve ever known.”

“I think I’d like to move to Resembool,” she said, surprising herself.

“Why?” He asked, a shocked note in his voice.

“It’s where you’re from. Your…our family is there and I really need some real family right now. I’d like to get away from the memories here.”

“I can go back and look for a house as soon as you’re ready.”

She rested a hand over her now empty womb. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

**Author's Note:**

> I love you for reading! Lemme know what you think!


End file.
